When you have low confidence, the last thing you need is a negative person in your ear. Yet, courtesy of the law of attraction, if you have low confidence, you will attract other people with low confidence in themselves. They will echo your negative thoughts and affirm your reasons for having low confidence.
You could also attract another type of person. This person may have a good deal of personal confidence but lack confidence in you. Instead of hearing a friend tell you why they can’t, this type of friend tells you why you can’t. By surrounding yourself with such people, it makes confidence building feel like an uphill battle. That’s why it’s so important to eliminate toxic people.
If you don’t eliminate toxic people, you will constantly have that bug in your ear telling you that you can’t or that you’re not good enough. No one needs that. You especially don’t need it if you’re trying to build your confidence.
However, picking out the toxic people in your life can be tough. Sometimes their negativity can feel like the realism that you don’t want to face.
Characteristics of Toxic People
In her article, “8 Things the Most Toxic People in Your Life Have in Common,” at psychologytoday.com, Abigail Brenner, M.D. lists these 8 characteristics of toxic people.
- Toxic people are manipulative. Their modus operandi is to get people to do what they want them to do.
- They are judgmental. Keep your eyes and ears open for criticism—about you, what you’ve done, and what you didn’t do. It’s never about them, and they will lie if it serves them.
- They take no responsibility for their own feelings. Rather, their feelings are projected onto you. If you try to point this out to them, they will likely vehemently defend their perspective, and take no responsibility for almost anything they do.
- They don’t apologize. They don’t see any reason to, because things are always someone else’s fault.
- They are inconsistent. It’s hard to know who you’re with at any given time because they are often not the same person.
- They make you prove yourself to them. Toxic people make you choose them over someone else, or something they want over something you want.
- They make you defend yourself. They have difficulty staying on point about certain issues, probably because they’re not interested in your point of view or trying to reach an amicable conclusion. Remember, they are supreme manipulators: Their tactics may include being vague and arbitrary, as well as diverting the focus of the discussion to how you’re discussing an issue—your tone, your words, etc. They focus on problems, not solutions.
- They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you. In fact, the good things that happen to you move the attention away from them and thwart them from focusing on their own goals.
I cannot recommend enough that you read this article if you’re confused about identifying toxic people.
It can be difficult to eliminate toxic people. Frequently, their negativity takes such a stronghold on you that you’re actually in an emotionally or mentally abusive relationship. Separating yourself from this person and this situation becomes increasingly difficult.
For tips on “How Emotionally Intelligent People Handle Toxic People,” I recommend this article by Dr. Travis Bradberry. He has 12 tips to help you manage the toxic people in your life. Because, let’s face it, you will never be able to get rid of all the toxic people in your life. You may be able to get rid of toxic friends, but if you have toxic family members or coworkers, you’re going to be stuck with them for some time.
For my Cliff’s notes lovers, here are his 12 tips.
- Set limits, especially with complainers.
- Don’t die in the fight.
- Rise above.
- Stay aware of your emotions.
- Establish boundaries.
- Don’t let anyone limit your joy.
- Focus on solutions, not problems.
- Don’t forget.
- Squash negative self-talk.
- Limit your caffeine intake.
- Get some sleep.
- Use your support system.
What’s your pro tip to deal with or eliminate negative people? Let us know in the comments below.
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