20 Reasons Why I Love My Hard Cervical Collar

Without our sense of humor, we are nothing.

I’m sure someone important said that once. Maybe they said something just like that but not in those exact words. Or, maybe I’m the famous person who said that. Yes, I’m the famous person who said that.

Without our sense of humor, we are nothing.

–Sarah Stockett

Frequently, when I am stressed, I use my sense of humor as a coping mechanism. Although my healing process has gone very well and I have been blessed to be relatively pain-free, it is still a bummer to wear this neck brace throughout the summer.

It’s hot, I can’t swim with my kids, I can’t turn my head, and I live with a constant fear that I will do something stupid and end up paralyzing myself or accidentally dying. This is all just a little too much drama for me, especially in the summertime.

So, to escape all this drama, I created a humorous list of 20 Reasons Why I Love My Hard Cervical Collar!

20 Reasons Why I Love My Hard Cervical Collar!

1. That beautiful neutral posture I’ve always wanted? Check.
2. Finally! A force stronger than my shoulders to beat them down away from my ears!
3. Napping through car rides is a breeze!
4. Because I am no longer able to work and eat at the same time, I’ve been watching more TV. Stranger Things is amazing!
5. Having to use your non-dominant hand to put on eye makeup kind of leaves you like a walking work of art. Is that a Picasso?
6. I look like a rock star when I play my ukulele because I can’t look at the strings.
7. My double chin vanished!
8. The back of my neck brace cradles my skull like a Disney villain dress collar. I’m thinking of wearing a skull cap to accentuate the look.
9. No one expects anything from you anymore. Waking up and putting on clothes are your only obligations.
10. Let it be known that July 1, I got to watch whatever I wanted to watch on TV whenever I wanted to watch it. And all I had to do was break my neck.
11. I don’t have to change the cat box. This is the first long stretch of time since 2001 that I haven’t had to change the cat box. 
12. I don’t have to wonder if I should go for a walk. Hell no! It’s too hot for that!
13. It’s possibly less noticeable when I roll my eyes. Maybe.
14. Everyone is so polite!
15. Finally, I have an excuse for why I need 10-12 hours of sleep! 
16. I don’t have to worry about plucking chin or neck hairs. If I can’t see them, no one else can either.
17. The comparison of me being dead or paralyzed often results in “Oh, you look so good” compliments, and I’ll take them. Gladly.
18. When eating in public, the neck brace gives me a good reason to tuck my napkin in under my chin and save the front of my shirt from my sloppy eating.
19. Ice cream? I think so. I need all the calcium I can get! I’m healing bones here, people!
20. I am totally going as Joan Cusack’s character from Sixteen Candles for Halloween! Now, I just have to figure out how to be crafty and make that sweatshirt.

For those who have neck braces, why do you love them? For those without, what do you think you would enjoy most about having a neck brace? Let us know in the comments below.

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